


Worth

by lemons11



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying Dean, Depressed Dean, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicidal Dean, Wordcount: 500-1.000, dean is a little bit more emotional in this than in canon, going to bed now, he cries though, he doesn't do it though, i wanted the destiel to be more ambiguous but oh well, just a bit, life is too short, sam doesn't even have dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 07:00:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10156856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemons11/pseuds/lemons11
Summary: Cas came into the kitchen, as usual, to fill his coffee quota. Sam was on his laptop, reading something about a possible case. Castiel wasn't paying that much attention, if he was being honest. He instead tiredly sipped on the piping hot coffee, when, suddenly, he got an unbearably intense feeling of something being wrong. For some reason, everything just felt completely and utterly off. Not right. It was like the wind was knocked right out of him. Cas couldn't explain it. Not until his mind flashed to Dean.Dean. Something was wrong.





	

It was just like any day in the bunker, at first.  
Cas came into the kitchen, as usual, to fill his coffee quota. Sam was on his laptop, reading something about a possible case. Castiel wasn't paying that much attention, if he was being honest. He instead tiredly sipped on the piping hot coffee, when, suddenly, he got an unbearably intense feeling of something being wrong. For some reason, everything just felt completely and utterly off. Not right. It was like the wind was knocked right out of him. Cas couldn't explain it. Not until his mind flashed to Dean.

Dean. Something was wrong.

Castiel had this kind of feeling every time something happened to Dean since he had pulled him out of the Pit. Surprisingly, the bond between his grace and the human's soul still held. He didn't have time for that, though, not when something was wrong with Dean. He set his mug down, without warning, and immediately made a beeline for Dean's room. "Hang on."  
He didn't even notice that Sam had left the room a few minutes ago. The feeling grew, and twisted into sheer panic as he reached the hallway. He burst into a sprint, and slammed into the door, only to find it locked. The angel pounded on the door.  
"Dean! Dean, please open the door!"  
No response.  
He persisted, still.  
"Dean, are you alright? Open the door! Dean!"  
His voice cracked a bit at the end, practically begging. His mind swirled with the possibilities as the anxiety continuously piled up like bricks.  
After sitting in silence for moments which felt like hours, he began to turn to go get Sam.  
But, before he could, the door opened.  
There stood Dean, perfectly fine.  
At least, he appeared to be, until Cas really looked at him.  
His eyes were puffy and red, like he'd been crying. A lot, at that.  
Then Castiel's eyes flickered behind Dean, to his bed.  
There, on the bed, sat a fully loaded handgun, safety off.  
Cas' eyes widened, his stomach dropping with the realization. He stepped forward towards Dean, who flinched back.  
Cas stopped, then approached slowly, steadily enveloping Dean in a tight embrace.  
"I'm sorry, Cas. I'm so, so sorry."  
He wrapped his arms around the angel.  
"Dean-"  
His voice was thick, and it pierced the awful silence.  
"I was gonna do it, Cas."  
Dean swallowed, and pulled back, looking Castiel in the eye.  
"I just-I couldn't do it anymore. I felt like I just can't-couldn't, whatever-do it anymore. Everything, it just feels so damn heavy, Cas. With Mom, Lucifer and his kid, you almost dying... it just keeps repeating. We're cursed. Every time our problems finally go away, they reappear. It's not worth it, anymore. What good am I if I can't even protect this Godforsaken world for more than an hour, let alone protect my brother?"  
The tears started again. Cas swallowed.  
"Dean. You have absolutely no idea the agony I have at the thought of you ending your own life. You have absolutely no idea how much you mean to me, Sam, and every person on this planet, as you've saved all three more than once. Dean Winchester, you mean more to me than anything, whether you like it or not. You have taught me what standing up for what you believe in feels like, and what standing up for what you love feels like. Dean, I love you."  
As Cas poured his entire heart out, Dean processed what he was saying, and it was like the faucets in his eyes were instantly turned up all the way.  
Dean went back to hug the slightly shorter man again, and closed his eyes. He didn't say anything. Dean didn't say how he felt, that just wasn't him. Instead, he tried to show Cas.  
So he kissed him.  
It was sudden, but he wouldn't have called it the cliche "fireworks" type of thing.  
Dean just felt like all the bad thoughts that had haunted him for over a decade (maybe two decades, even) were put on mute.  
And Cas,  
Cas felt what he had been missing. It felt like his grace was just humming, shimmering, peacefully.  
The two sat there, and took each other in. It took Dean pulling away for air to end it.  
Cas looked at Dean, who fixed his gaze at the ground. Castiel tilted his head, worried he did something wrong until Dean raised his head and cleared his throat.  
"Do you-do you want to sleep in here tonight? I sleep better with someone next to me, but if you don't want to..."  
Cas immediately nodded, Dean picking up the faint smile on his lips.  
"I would like to accompany you."  
It was not sexual to either of them, not after what they just went through. Dean felt protected, and allowed himself to be vulnerable for once. He doesn't even remember the last time he let Sam see him like that.  
Cas, on the other hand, felt relieved that Dean was really letting him in. He was tired of Dean trying to be the one to save everyone else, not once stopping to help himself. That would break anyone, even Dean. Tonight, though, Castiel helped Dean take that burden off.  
In the morning, Dean figured he'd freak out and not know what to do with himself. But he didn't freak out.  
He still had the angel wrapped around him, and he felt safe. Dean smiled. Except it was a real one. Not a fake grin shot at Sam after flirting with a nameless, faceless waitress at a tiny diner in a forgettable small town. Not the maniacal kind he wore as a demon, after spilling the blood of the innocent. A genuinely content smile stretched across his face. For the first time in years, Dean Winchester felt happy.  
He had his angel.

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to various twenty one pilots songs while writing this if you can't tell
> 
> Edit 9/6/17: WOW I cannot believe this has gotten over 1,000 hits. I don't even think this is my best work. Thank you! It makes me feel very happy to know so many people have taken the time to examine my mark upon the world.


End file.
